Breathe No More
by Koyuki
Summary: Standing in front of his grave, Tezuka wishes he had learned to love Fuji a little sooner. TezuFuji


A/N: Rykea provided dead!Tezuka angst, Kyuu will provide dead!Fuji angst. We're deranged like that.

Written in second person (Caleb thought it'd be a fun challenge to refer to yourself in the second person), Tezuka's POV. Third person is Fuji.

For 50 love quotes theme #35. Love is, in fact, everything it's cracked up to be. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.

Pairing: Tezuka x Fuji

Warnings: massive loads of angst, shounen-ai, character death, horrible rain-cliche about death

Disclaimer: Tennis no Oujisama is property of Konomi Takeshi. If I owned them, they'd all be gay... wait. They already are.

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Breathe No More

If this wasn't your life, you think you would've laughed at the irony of it all. But because it is, instead you stand there numb and cold in the rain, staring dazedly at his tombstone. The funeral has been over for hours and everyone has already left including his parents, save for you. In a way, you're glad the sky is crying because you don't think you'd be strong enough if everyone else could see that you're crying as well.

You don't remember the last time you cried. You remember the times you fell and picked yourself up without a sound like nothing happened. Even before you remember going to school. The adults always cooed at how strong were you for not crying, but you never thought of it. It was just something you didn't do.

You didn't even cry at your grandfather's funeral. You were sad, of course, because he was your grandfather, someone you cared for and respected, and someone who took care of you when you couldn't take care of yourself.

He was the first person you saw after your grandfather's funeral. You were in the park, trying to recollect yourself, and he just happened to be passing by. He was every bit as smart as you thought he was, but you didn't think he would notice that something was wrong. That you weren't alright. But he said nothing to you or to anyone else. It wasn't until after a week while you secretly fell apart which went unnoticed, even by Oishi who was ever observant and caring, that he confronted you.

You didn't want to tell him anything. It was your personal hell to work out, and you didn't want to burden anyone else with it. You told him everything—from your grandfather's death to your family crises to anything else you've ever wanted to say but had no one to say it to.

He was your sole comforter when your grandfather passed away, and it's humorous in a morbid way, but who will comfort you now that he is gone?

He listened to you, and even when your string of words—ones you'd never thought you'd say—no longer made any sense, he seemed to understand. And when you were finished, he just wrapped his arms around you which were warm, safe, and strong despite the fact he was smaller than you. You let him because more than anything else, you needed someone to care for you at that moment.

"I love you," he tells you softly, and you don't know how to respond because you had never thought of him as anything more. He was your classmate, your friend, your prodigy... but you were selfish.

"I don't know how to love," you told him, because it was the truth and you felt you owed at least that to him.

He smiled at you earnestly, nothing like the fake mask he always put on, and simply replied, "That's okay. I can teach you." And once again you let him.

Looking back, you wonder why you never saw the holes in it and that only serves to make you feel worse. He had put everything on the line for you and asked for nothing back, so you never gave it to him. And through all of that he suffered, wanting to earn your love, but never getting anything in return for his efforts. He never said anything about the relationship in school or to the team to protect your reputation. He backed off when you needed space and comforted when you were lonely. He wasn't just beautiful, prodigious, sympathetic, and everything else. He was perfect.

He was perfect for you in every way but you didn't love him. There was nothing more he could've been or done to make himself worthy of you. So you wonder now why you never thought you never did.

But you learned to care for him. There was no way you could not because he was really too wonderful to not be able to. You cherished his smiles, appreciated his brilliance, reveled in his love. But you didn't love him. And you hated yourself for hurting him.

You wanted to stop seeing him, stop leading him on to something you knew you'd never be able to give him. But you were too selfish to give him up. Even though you weren't in love.

It was hard, but you finally managed to work up the courage to leave him. You asked to him to meet you in a cafe. Then you broke up with him.

He just smiled at you calmly with that damned smile he always used to wear, and you can felt your anger burning up. You don't know what you had expected or what you wanted him to do, but you didn't want to see that damned smile plastered on his face. You felt betrayed and it hurt like hell that he didn't seem to care about you at all.

"I guess I should leave," you breathed, irritated. He looked at you passively.

"I guess I'll see you around," he replied, his voice soft and even. You rose from the chair angrily and walked away. You chose to ignore that flash of hurt you saw in his eyes; you didn't want to admit it was real.

You don't quite remember what happens next. Walking into the street, your vision missed the speeding car that was coming your way. His didn't.

"KUNIMITSU!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, and you turned around swiftly. All you saw was a blurb and felt the impact of his body against yours. There was a loud screech and collision, and before your mind could register it, you felt his warm, seeping blood on your hands.

"S-Syuusuke," you stuttered, the brilliant crimson encompassing everything within your view, blurred by the tears forming in your eyes. "W-why...?"

He coughed slightly and raised his hand to gently cup your cheek. "I-it's okay," he whispers to you, even though he's the one in your arms, slowly dying and leaving this world. "It's o-okay, because I l-love you."

His arm dropped, and his brilliant blue eyes faded slightly, closing for the last time. You let the tears fall from your eyes, and held him close, his body still warm, his expression peaceful, though smeared with blood.

You could vaguely hear ambulance sirens in the background, and you refused to let go even when one of the paramedics came and asked to take him. It would be your last time holding him.

He had accomplished his goal in the end; he had taught you to love.

Even now, you wish the price wasn't so high, and you wonder how he was able to put everything on the line yet you were the one to have lost it all.

But now instead, you stand in front of his grave on a cold, rainy day, wondering about everything you could've had, would've had, and how it all went wrong. However, there is nothing more that you regret than not being able to tell him that you loved him before he died.

You wish you had learned to love him sooner.

owari.

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A/N: I wanted to write something really dark after reading a couple of deathfics, and since Ryk already killed off Tezuka, I thought it'd be fun to return the favor. It's a rather nice piece, if extremely depressing. I was shaking when I plotted out this idea and even when I started writing it...

I hope you enjoy. Even if it ripped your heart out and tore it to pieces.


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